I hope you will enjoy this song while reading this blog post.
I still have a memory from many years back while I was weekly going to a psychologist. In that sacred room, we shared thoughts and feelings.
Many times, he was the one doing the talking.
He was a wise older man and an excellent storyteller—one who had gone in the footsteps of Wilhelm Reich and had a heart for bodywork and breath.
I must give him the honor of making me conscious of how everything we experience gets stored in our bodies. And many years later, I found out that traumas (that we all have as a human race, in one sort or another, and different levels) get stored on a cellular level. That is why it is so hard to let go of traumas. I know all about it through my personal experiences.
For many years I enjoyed our weekly sessions—me, lying there on a mattress in that warm, simple room, listening to his stories of a long-lived life, and falling into the silence within myself. I must admit, it took me a while to learn, enjoying lying there, and relaxing.
Anyhow, now, retrospecting those years, there is only one question that has restored itself in my mind, and I can still recall it «Can you see yourself living a happy good life?»
OH, that question! I had gone through a lot in my life, and the answer to that question was simply no. I could not see any light there in front of me. It did not mean I was never happy, but there was always an underlying feeling of unease, yearning, sorrow, anger, and a lack of belonging. I was not content. And I always blamed it on my past, someone, or some external happenings.
Even though I did not see the light there, the wise man had planted a seed in me by asking me that exact question. From time to time, in my silent moments, I would pick that question up, close my eyes, and see if something within me had changed.
During that time, I also discovered that every time I thought about happiness, I returned to my childhood memories, back to my maternal grandparent’s house in the city of Isfahan, and their colossal rose garden. To the days when I was hanging around my favorite aunties and cousins. Again, it was the past!
At one point, I stopped our consultations. I’d moved more towards spirituality and wanted to explore my inner landscape on another level than talking about it or with my mind.
And then, once again, life pushed me to a corner and made me face what is called “the dark night of the Soul.” Some of you might know what I am referring to.
And by going through that dark passage, I had a tremendous realization. For the first time in my life, I saw how trapped I was in myself, my emotions and thoughts. It was then I decided to travel to South America.
My first written blog post was actually from that trip and my stay in Brazil. I needed A change of Scenario. And that is also the name of that post.
I traveled to South- America with an intention. An intention that seemed too big to overcome, but it was so strong that I just had to go for it.
The past was gone. The future not yet there, but I had the moment of now, and by using that moment properly, it could form what was going to come. Yes, the future. But I had to get to a higher level of consciousness to let go of all the pain hunting me.
And through that change of scenario, I did learn about the power of intention. I did receive what I was yearning to achieve deep inside me. How did it happen? There are things in life that we can not explain.
For me, that is an essential part of this mysterious life, and if we are open to it, the journey of life is more fun.
And going back to where I started, today, I cannot feel anything else than excitement for the future. There is that exciting sensation of adventure around life. It is exciting not to know what can happen around the next corner. It does not mean that I do not have bad days, are not exhausted, do not have fears, and do not question life and relationships. And so many times, I am so impatient. I often forget that it is not about getting to my goals but the journey to it and learning and enjoying the processes. Cause life is about enjoying and pleasure.
I sometimes think that If I had not gone through all that I have experienced in life and had not walked through the valley of shadows and seen all the emotional spectrums, I would not have been the person I am today. I know what real pleasure means to me and what brings me joy. And my sense of gratitude has grown over the years. Gratitude has a central place in my life. Just by observing the small beautiful moments arises that sense of appreciation within me. The sunrise yesterday captured from my bedroom window was the inspiration for this blog post “Art of Gratitude.”
PS: I have to admit when the feeling of wanting to be somewhere else rises in me or a sense of not being where I want to be, I hear a clear voice asking me, “So where do you want to be now?” And over and over again, I hear myself answering.
«I just want to have a life of inner peace & balance, happiness, joy, creativity, and good healthy relationships, and spiritual growth.»
And spiritual growth means exploration to me. How far can I evolve in this human body? Can I get to the places I did not think would be possible for me? And to get there, I have faith and hope as my allies.
I might dedicate one or two blog posts to what spirituality means to me!!
Music; Burning Bridges by Moderator.