Knowing oneself
“How well do we know ourselves?” This question arises in me when I meet people in different settings. The same inquiry also reminds me of the words of wisdom from the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu:
“Conquering others makes you strong; conquering yourself makes you mighty.”
The idea for this post came about some weeks back while speaking with a colleague. We often have good conversations. During lunch hour, the tone is soft and relaxed. We often touch the depths of life. In those conversations, we listen carefully to each other and exchange experiences. That day we touched on our weekend plans. I told him I might attend a workshop with Krishna Das. It is a topic that I am passionate about.
“Who we are as people and how we express our true nature.”
– Most people think that such workshops are for learning to sing, but I explained it is actually to free our voice, open space within, express one’s true nature and bring it out into the world.
My colleague, who was listening carefully, replied as follows:
– If I were to spend my time on this, I would never have time to do anything else. I would be completely self-absorbed.
Isn’t an essential part of life?
Isn’t getting to know yourself an essential part of life? I wondered and replied:
– People often say they know themselves, but do they? The old programs, like socialization and life events, shape and drive us on autopilot. For me, knowing oneself is about realizing all we have within—our bright and dark sides. Once we know and accept those sides, we can peel away the learned layers and approach one’s essence. Free from the autopilot.
His facial expression spoke volumes, and I had to take it in. We are all on different journeys, even living under the same sky. And only some see the value in getting to know themselves. I probably wouldn’t have chosen the art of knowing myself if life had not forced me to. The pain that permeated my life and relationships has been my motivating factor. While writing this post, I remembered a visit to the doctor. I was in my early 20s.
– You have anxiety, she had concluded.
Anxiety?! I responded, surprised. She had hit something. Something that was running my show even though I was unaware of it. I dismissed her statement and continued on the same old track.
Getting there after hitting rock bottom
Had I met what she said with more curiosity, I might have spared myself years of painful experiences, but I was not ready then. Maybe resistance is part of the process? We cling to what we know because it feels safer, even suffering. I know one thing for sure: no transition will ever happen if the person does not want to change. And I, at that time, was too proud. “I do not suffer from anxiety. ” I replied. How can she say something like that? She doesn’t know me, thinking I knew myself. It took me many years to realize she was right, and I got there after hitting rock bottom. That’s when I turned my gaze inward. I had reached the point of no return and had to face the truth. My strategy was not working. Of course, pointing the finger outward and blaming others for my feelings was much easier, but that attitude had not helped. I was in a loop.
Duality of life
After being through a transformation process in my personal life (which often makes me feel like I have lived many lives in this one,) and many years of working with people in vulnerable situations, I have concluded that simply speaking, our experiences often evoke three categories of feelings:
We like what we experience.
We don’t like what we experience.
We are indifferent to what we experience.
I have also learned that being honest with oneself and surroundings is a lifelong process. It requires courage and boldness to unmask all the spectrums of our painful emotions like grief, anger, aggression, jealousy and see them naked. First we have to see them, acknowledge them, then we can start grinding the stone to reveal the gem well hidden within. Peeling off the learned layers enables us to move deeper into ourselves. It is the first step towards ridding ourselves of our autopilot reactions and living more authentically. By channeling the power in our emotions for other purposes like creativity, for instance.
Just think of writers, poets, filmmakers, screenwriters, or musicians. Where do they get their inspiration, and how does their creation appeal to us? Do you agree that the ocean of our emotions can be used in so many ways?
Freeing ourselves
Freeing ourselves from ourselves is certainly not an easy task. It is like a muscle we need to exercise consciously in every moment of life. By learning to know ourselves and shedding light on our shadows, we can gradually recognise the face of duality, and it makes life more enjoyable than being stuck in the old programming.
Life on earth is for sure a dance of duality– a personal and impersonal process. If there is something we humans have in common is that we all have a psyche and that we all go through challenges from time to time. Our problems are a part of our unique, intimate journey, but they are also impersonal because we all face challenges. It is part of being alive and in this life as a human being on earth. Knowing oneself is, to me, the key to the path of spirituality or on the ladder of awareness. And through awareness, we learn to raise our consciousness. While we are on this topic, I recommend the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz if you have yet to read it. What are your thoughts on the art of knowing oneself? I would love to hear them.
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