What’s something you’ve done that your past self would be proud of?
What’s something you’ve done that your past self would be proud of?
Hhh… holy moly. What a deep and profound question.
There have been so many moments when I was so close to giving up completely. So let me take you back.
In my adolescence, sleep and my dreams were my closest companions. I was for sure depressed. And as I recently heard someone explain, the word depressed can be heard as a need for deep rest. That is what I did. I slept, and my dreamworld became my sacred inner land. I was 14, in a completely foreign country, a new culture with new codes. There were very few human angels in those years. And each of them played their giving, loving role. Still, I felt so alone. Yet my inner guidance was always there, even though I did not have a name for it back then.
But I heard those whispers clearly. And I promise you, there were a couple of times when life could have taken a totally different direction if I hadn’t followed them.
Then came my 20s, and I got a renewed life. I went out into the world, and my differentness simply blended in with the big wide world out there. I was one small part of a bigger vastness. Those journeys became my life saviour and flavour. They gave me hope back. I became a gypsy. I called myself that for many years.
At the end of my 20s, I started studying online journalism at university. The very thing that is running the show today. But back then it was not the ordinary way. And then I became pregnant, and everything took a 180 degree turn.
For those of you who know the gift of motherhood, there is no need for words. I can only say that my son gave my life the dimension of unconditional love. That responsibility meant giving up my gypsy lifestyle. Even though my son and I travelled around the world whenever we had vacation, I had to face a more A4 lifestyle. It also meant I had to start looking at the layers I had buried inside me. The ones I had never touched.
My 30s were a dance of responsibility, longing, and dealing with an inner pain I still had no name for.
In my 40s, I finally gave that pain a name. After a hard heartbreak.
I do not know how many 50 metre swimming pools I could have filled with tears from that relationship. But these days I see how those tears became my very own pearl chain, created from that heartplay and heartbreak.
I regard that bond as one of my most sacred thresholds. My initiation into womanhood.
And as if the heartbreak was not enough, a dirty downsizing hit the company where I worked as a coach and work consultant. That was the moment I had to throw all my shields down and face it. I was a big container of human trauma.
There I was, going through the dark night of the soul, with two choices. Raise my consciousness, or give up.
But as a mother, giving up was not an option.
And that is when my real healing journey began. Spirituality got a totally new face for me, and I started living with intention.
To keep this short enough that you don’t skip it… then I turned 50. I walked three Caminos. Walked a sacred pilgrimage. And wrote a book.
After that downsizing, I let go of the dream of building a career. After 8 years as a substitute teacher in schools around Oslo, I started working in a cemetery as a seasonal worker, out in nature with my hands in the earth. It opened my eyes to the dance between life and death, and to how this short journey can be a blessing. In my own life, every chapter has enriched me with something, and I am soooo grateful that I did not give up. In my own life, every chapter has enriched me with something, and I am soooo grateful that I did not give up. I look at life with curiosity, and I know this journey is a work in progress, and we fill it with our choices.
So what am I proud of?
I am proud of all that I have gone through. The pain and the happiness. The joy and the sorrow. The search and the despair. The rest I leave to you, the reader, to decide.
And by the way, today I call myself a wandering wanderer.
Everything I have walked through has become my biggest chest of wisdom. More than all my university education, trainings, certifications and various, interesting work experiences.
Now I am weaving all the threads together as a holistic movement guide. Holding space for those who are exhausted from fixing and managing everything. Those who long to trust themselves and life again.
I am Parisa Radpey, the writer of these pages and founder of Dhyana Donya Movement & Health. You can read more about me here my background.
Some patterns can’t be thought through. Only walked through. Curious what I mean? It is in my book The Silver Route — now on Amazon.
How do I work with people? Read Free guide
I would love to understand the people I am creating this work for a little better. If you have a few minutes, take my short survey here — it truly helps me understand the needs of real people and what they face on their journey, so I can shape my work around what I hear, rather than simply assuming what might be needed.
You can also find me across social platforms, or let my Spotify playlist move what words can’t. And if you want more, I also write for Wise and Shine Zine, and my latest blog post is called Listening to the Heart: The Story Behind Lau Suna.